There Is Power In Letting Go

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
-- Oprah Winfrey 

 

A few years ago, my car got stolen. I could remember my first reaction after finding out about it. I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to do. I was in Malaysia that time, miles apart from my home country when it happened. 

My first reaction was of course I got so angry. I started blaming, feeling bad about the loss and really got so frustrated. However, after like an hour of hating everything on what went wrong, it struck me that I was actually helpless on that particular moment. I saw myself behaving like I still could control what happened.

A few days after that incident, I was with a friend. I mentioned that my car got stolen. She gave me a surppirsed look and told me that how come I didn't look like someone whose car just got stolen. What she meant was, she did not see or hear any bitterness, anger or even disappointment. 

Of course, I definitely got angry during that time. While I was at the airport in Malaysia, I expressed my frustration and blame the people who were with me and yet not even there when it happened. I got back to my senses and realized that I was all the time trying to control the ucontrollable. I realized that the only thing I can control was my reaction towards what happened.

Instead of giving time and energy blaming the circumstance and people, I learned to choose finding and understanding the lesson from it. I told myself that perhaps something bigger is going to happen for me. I guess I was given that problem for I am the type of person who could handle it, perhaps that experience was teaching me not to be attached to things and perhaps, its trying to teach me about letting go.

I arrived back in the Philippines with a different perspective.I gave up on what should, could, have happened. I accepted the situation and tried to look for the best way possible to move myself forward after what happened.

Although I made it clear that I was not happy about it, I didn't blame the one who was responsible for guarding it while I was away. Yes, I never got back the car, yet I got back a lot of lesson about choosing peace of mind over being right and letting go over trying to control circumstances and things.

I know for sure that life will give us a lot of surprises and sometimes those surprises might be things we don't really like or something that will really hurt us or not even make us happy. That experience allowed me to accept that we don't have any control at all on what life will throw at us however, we have total control over ourselves on how we will handle it.

Yes, it's really difficult to do this most especially if we will look how things could have been prevented even before it happened. Its difficult to clear our minds when we are emotionally charged. We will definitely get frustrated for we know what we could have done something even before undesirable things could happen. 

 Most of us will just get stuck with these undesirable experiences and find it difficult to get unstuck. Most of us will dwell on how bad things happened instead of looking into the other aspect of learning to let go of trying to control things and focusing our minds clearly on what needs to be done.

After what happened, I decided to choose the kind of story that would allow me to move forward. I'm sure if I still dwell on how terrible things happened, I'd definitely bring it in all aspects of what I do. I realized that at the end of the day, my peace of mind depends on me and not on others and part of achieving peace of mind is sometimes learning to let go over the need to control and the need to be right. 

Who Surrounds You?

"You are the average of five people closest to you"~Jim Rohn

 

Just last month, my Chinese Feng Shui consultant, lets call him Master Yen, after giving me an overview of my year for the coming 2012, reminded me again not to wear certain colors which are inauspicious for me.

 

I know some of you probably will tell me that I am nuts for believing in Feng Shui. Well, you’re probably no different than I am. I’m sure that sometime in your life you probably opened the newspaper and went to the Horoscope page. Perhaps checking out if its a good or bad day for you or what other possible great things might happen to you.

 

Despite all our beliefs, I’m sure in one way or another you went to look for things that would contribute in making yourself better, whether its a book or people who will support you towards what you intend to happen in your life. There’s nothing wrong using these tools, provided we don’t rely EVERYTHING we do in it.

 

If you will look it up on Wikipedia, Feng Shui is believed to help improve one's life by receiving positive qi. It started 3,500+ years ago even before the invention of magnetic compass. Often, it is used to orient buildings in an auspicious manner. Many including famous people of today are using this ancient science at home as well as at work to improve all of aspects of life, from health to relationships to finances. A lot of business people, Bill Gates, Richard Branson and even Donald Trump, have admitted to have consulted with a Feng Shui master before putting up some of his buildings specifically Trump Tower. 

 

I have always believed that it only makes sense that I invest on anything that would align my life towards what I intend to make with it. Don’t get me wrong. I don't rely my life on Feng Shui yet, I believe that once a year consultation is enough to set my year in the right perspective and to have my life work and not against nature. Even Donald Trump said, "I don't have to believe in Feng Shui. I do it because it makes me money".

 

Even Master Yen would say that a lot of people tend to depend their luck on Feng Shui or even on things, which is totally crazy. Even before I went to consult, I already believe I am lucky. We all are. I just want to know what else can I do more to make use of the luck that I have in me. That's exactly what Master Yen also told me. We are already born lucky, we just have to find out what enhances it more and leverage on it.

 

As I was listening to him, reminding me again of the auspicious colors for me, I kind of realized how important it is for Feng Shui to align our lives to what is positive and be aware or careful of our environment.  I get to realize then, our environment doesn't just include things, it also includes people. So this is precisely the reason why it is also important that we also somehow “Feng Shui” the people that we are always with. Are they negative people, people who always complain? People who needs and demands our attention all the time? Are they passionate? Do they inspire you? If your answer is no, then its time to find new friends.

 

In fact, true enough, the people around us, impacts us. They can affect our thoughts, emotions and actions. I could remember when my parents decided to transfer us to another place away from an environment in which drugs and prostitution was the only way to get a living. My parents were setting the best intentions for us and that’s why they chose to transfer us in a place that would align with the best future they planned for us.

 

I've lost a lot of people in my life. However, I did not regret it. For one, I have found the right people who will support me in the path I have chosen. I have lost some, however I also gained a lot. It's difficult to let go of people whom we know takes a lot of energy from us, making us feel worse and not good about ourselves. Yet, if we really commit to the life we want, I'm sure we will attract the right people in our lives.

 

So, it is not just important that we Feng Shui our environment, our environment consists as well of people we are always with. If you can't see yourself leaving those friends or people who really just drain you and takes away a lot of energy from you, start having a conversation with them and tell them how their behavior is affecting you. If having a conversation with them doesn't work, then you need to simply make a choice. 

 

Ultimately, as Voltaire said, we need to take care of our garden.There are some in our garden that we need to weed out, there are some we still need to talk to and there are some we must nurture. Sometimes in fact we need to create our own garden if the garden we are in, no longer contributes to our growth and success. 

 

We all have the right to have the best life and so it is only vital that we choose the kind of people we are always with. Choose wisely.

 

 

 

We Get What We Ask For

"That is what I want to call thought, which includes emotion, body state, physical reaction, perception and everything else"~David Bohm, physicist

 

Few days ago, I got to meet a friend of my friend Ford. Let's call his friend Steve. It was actually just accidental that Steve got to accompany Ford that day. So since me and Ford have all the time, I started having a conversation with Steve to get to know him better. Steve is already aware that I am into business. In the beginning, he got to share to me what he does and told me some of the things he did also before when he went to business as well. 

One particular thing that caught my attention was that, I observed that most of the time, Steve always mentioned how he's not very good in talking to people. He pointed out that one of the reasons why he did not succeed in his business is because he does't have communication skills. He also emphasized that's he is the shy type and how he couldn't stand just being in a crowd. He further said, that self-confidence is something he doesn't have.

I know how exactly Steve feels. I can truly relate to what he was sharing with me. I am actually grateful that he took the courage to tell me things that most people won't really open up to someone they just met. The only difference between me and Steve? I changed my story about myself years ago.

I realized that we didn't acquire these stories about ourselves in a short span of time. In fact, we have acquired it through repetition. We keep on repeating these stories in our thoughts and in words, fully unaware of the impact of those "self-talk" in us. The more we keep on thinking about it, the more we keep on saying it, then suddenly it becomes our truth. 

I realized that the more I dwell on what I thought I cannot do, the more I am giving it power to run my life. I too, before believed that Im not like most people I know that is gifted in communication. Speaking in front of people is something I could never imagine myself doing. I went into college thinking that I will make it through even if I don't recite in class. Yet, I was able to pull it because I know that if there is one person who would be able to change my situation, that would be me. 

Sometimes, it's difficult to put an end to old habits that really no longer contributes for us to move forward. To change a habit, we need to put a new one. Yes, it's not easy yet, we need to understand that if we want to have power over things, it has to start with us changing the stories about it that no longer serves us. 

I guess the key for all of us is to accept in ourselves that there is still a lot of areas in us we need to work on. There's nothing wrong with being shy, not being self-confident. However what makes this bad is if we keep bringing our limiting stories about ourselves and not taking steps to do something about it. Come to think of it, if it's something we don't want, why still hold on to it? If its no longer serving us, why still keep on telling this to ourselves and making ourselves believe that indeed we are shy, not confident and so on and so forth? If its something that stops us from moving forward, why not work on doing something about it rather than allow it to disempower us?

I'm sure there are a lot of things we can do to do something about it. For Steve, one thing he can begin considering is that he needs to be with people no matter how it may seem uncomfortable for him in the beginning. We will always meet people unless of course we decided to confine ourselves inside our room forever. Funny that while Steve was so focused on telling me his being shy and not confident, he was not aware that simply opening himself up during our conversation is already a step towards putting behind his shyness.

Besides, I was not aware he's shy. He was the one who informed me about it. I didn't ask, Steve, are you shy?" What do I mean by this? Unconsciously sometimes we teach people how to treat us. I told myself repeatedly that speaking in front of class is simply not for me. I could remember what I often told myself, "I'm not good enough",we're poor and being self-confident is only for rich people", I'd better be good in other things than in academics etc." Not to mention, I did everything to avoid it. So how did I end up? I failed of course.

Why? it's no brainier. I asked for it. In fact, the one who assessed my academic status before graduation was surprised how come I failed in a very basic course in communication and repeated it yet got the highest grades in succeeding communication subjects. My professor who failed me (who happens to be his friend) told him that I was always absent, if ever I entered class I was often late, never recited and seldom participated in class discussions. What struck me was this, "I'm not sure if she really wanted to be in class from day one. I just didn't see it".

My professor gave me exactly what I asked for. Not that I literally asked to fail. What I mean is, everything about me that time, is asking for failure. My thoughts, my words and my body. That's exactly how I related to his class, so that's what I got.

 However, I started seeing failing as a gift. It was an opportunity for me to be good at something. I guess most of the time we tend to focus on those things we think paralyzes us rather than do something about it to stop it from running our lives. What I'm sure I did that time to finally started changing myself, I simply took small steps one at a time. I started considering that being good in communication is something I can learn and reciting is an avenue to practice conquering my fear. When I started considering that, my world shifted. 

It is important that we start noticing the things we keep on saying about ourselves. Is it something's that allows us to see the good in us or is it something that stops us from being the kind of person we wanted to be? Again, what we focus on expands. We always have a choice what to focus on. Come to think of it, if we will just spend the same energy on what is good and bad in us, why not choose to spend it on things we are good at and can still improve on? Doing this, we take back power and not assign it to others and take responsibility for our lives.

 

 

Sometimes We Need to Feng Shui The People We Are With.

 

Just last month, my Chinese Feng Shui consultant, lets call him Master Yen, reminded me again not to wear certain colors, for it takes away luck in me. 

 

I know some of you probably will tell me that I am nuts for believing in Feng Shui. Well, you’re probably no different than I am. I’m sure that sometime in your life you probably opened the newspaper and went to the Horoscope page. Despite all our beliefs, I’m sure in one way or another you went to look for things that would contribute in making yourself better, whether that is a book or people who will support you towards the path you want to take. There’s nothing wrong using these tools, provided we don’t rely EVERYTHING we do on it. 

 

If you will look it up on Wikepedia, Feng Shui is believed to help one improve life by receiving positive qi. It is actually a system of geomancy using the laws of Chinese astronomy. It covers 3,500+ years ago before the invention of magnetic compass. Often, it is used to orient buildings in an auspicious manner.

 

I have always believed it is only proper that I invest on anything that would align my life towards what I intend to happen with it. My Feng Shui consultant does not only give me insights on the proper orientation of my house but as well how I properly use what is auspicious for me when it comes to colors that enhances positive aura.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I don't rely my life with Feng Shui yet, I believe that once a year consultation is enough to set my year in the right perspective. I have always believed that anything that would support my intention, I am for it. Even Master Yen would say that a lot of people will depend their luck on Feng Shui or even on things, which is totally crazy. I, for one, I don't believe in getting anything without putting time and effort. Even before I went to consult, I already believe I am lucky. We all are. I just want to know what else can I do more to make use of the luck that I have in me. That's exactly what Master Yen also told me. We are already born lucky, we just have to find out what enhances it more and leverage on it.

 

As I was listening to him, reminding me again of the auspicious colors for me,  I kind of realized how important it is for Feng Shui to align our lives to what is positive.  I get to realize then, our environment doesn't just include things, it also includes people. So this is precisely the reason why it is also important that we also “Feng Shui” the people that we are always with. Are they negative people, people who always complain? People who needs our attention all the time? 

 

In fact, true enough, the people around us, impacts us. They can affect our thoughts, emotions and actions. I could remember when my parents decided to transfer us to another place away from an environment in which drugs and prostitution was the only way to get a living. My parents were setting the best intentions for us and that’s why they chose to transfer us in a place that would align in what they plan for our future.

 

I've lost a lot of people in my life. However, I did not regret it. For one, I gained the right people who will support me in the path I have chosen. I have lost some however I also gained a lot. It's difficult, to let go of people whom we know is taking a lot of energy from us, making us feel worse and not good about ourselves. Yet if we really commit to the life we want, I'm sure we will attract the right people who will be with us. 

 

So it is not just important that we Feng Shui our environment, our environment consists as well of people we are always with. If you can't see yourself leaving those friends or people who really just drain you and takes away a lot of energy from you, start having a conversation with them and tell them how their behavior is affecting you and that your relationship with them is important to you that’s why you’re having this conversation with them to make it work. If talking does not work, then you need to make a choice.

 

Ultimately, as Voltaire said, we need to take care of our garden. Their are some in our garden that we need to weed out, there are some we need to talk to and there are some we need to nurture. I believe we all have the right to have the best life, so it is only vital that we choose the kind of people we are always with.

 

 

Appreciating The Process And Not Just the Outcome

This umbrella is a special product of the city of Gifu. Its made using Mino Wachi, a strong local paper. This is one of the traditional crafts in Japan that is difficult to make with over 100 steps involved from start to finish (Wikipedia)

And to think we complain on the process of becoming successful... This is just an umbrella yet the process involved 100 steps from start to finish. This umbrella reminds me of the importance of focusing on the process and not just the outcome. There is nothing wrong trying to achieve a specific goal. However, most of the time when we just focus on the outcome, we cannot deny the fact that it stresses us out and suffocates us. We must learn to better focus and appreciate on the joy in the process. Doing this, we'll more likely achieve positive results and sustain momentum.

Indeed, nowadays most of us resort to quick fixes. We want immediate solutions to our problems forgetting that most of the time everything takes time. It takes time before a caterpillar transforms to become a butterfly. It takes time before a bud blossoms. It takes time to create a work of art that would become a masterpiece. It takes time before a novice finally competes in the Olympics. We forget that to really achieve impeccable results in everything we do, we need to allow ourselves to be patient, love the difficult and love the process, find the joy in it, especially if what we thrive for to achieve in this lifetime is what really matters to us: our dreams.